December 13, 2020

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Exciting greeting! Witty follow up that references the exciting greeting in a casual way. Sentence that feigns confusion or asks the readers a question I obviously know the answer to already? Self-deprecating answer to the question framed in a depressing yet upbeat way! Post-punchline statement that wraps up the introductory text and leads us into the statement, "let's dive into this week's news!"

Days Until Christmas

12, ↓ 7 since last week.

Days Until Hanukah is Over

5

Richmond Men's Basketball Record

4-1. They just lost for the first time a few minutes ago.

# of Disney+ Subscribers

86.8 million  

# of Approved COVID Vaccines in the U.S.

1, ↑ 1 since last week!

It's sunny today. Tomorrow it's going to rain. Then on Tuesday it'll be sunny. Then Wednesday it's going to rain. Then on Thursday it'll be sunny. I think the Richmond weather should run for office.

Virginia Tech Steals the Cup: While it may seem like the referees awarded the Virginia Tech Hokies the win to last night's "Commonwealth Clash" football game against UVA, we here at Scott's Edition are already filing appeals to overturn the results of a clearly rigged game in 27 Virginia counties. How could a team with a better record lose?! Plus, did you see all the fraudulent throws made my VT QB Braxton Burmeister? Why won't Coach Fuente allow touchdown celebration verification? RIGGED FOOTBALL GAME!

Shakespeare's Vaccine: The second UK citizen to receive the coronavirus vaccine this week was an 81 year old named William Shakespeare. Before receiving the vaccine he explained, "Although now is the winter of our discontent, light through yonder window breaks. A vaccine! A vaccine! My kingdom for a vaccine! We did not beware the Ides of March, now wherefore art a vaccine? What's in a dose? A vax by any other name would cure as swift. Now get me to a hospital."

America's Vaccine: UPS and FedEx trucks carrying the first U.S. vaccines have departed Pfizer's facility in Kalamazoo, MI. No joke for this one. This is just great news!

The classic murder-mystery solving game is back with an all new edition: COVID Clue! Players try to figure out the three main facts of how their player was infected with the novel coronavirus: the infector, the location of the infection, and the reason for transmission.

They do this by clever deduction. Their characters run around a board, which represents the various locations in town, to gather evidence to narrow down their list.



The nine possible locations are the Hospital, the Grocery Store, the Trump Rally, the Apartment Party, the Indoor Restaurant, the Family Gathering, the Office, the Gym, and the Conservatory. 



The possible reasons for infection are the Mask-Under-The-Nose, the "We're Outside So It's Safe", the "But I'm Only Seeing My 12 Closest Friends", the It's-Hard-To-Breathe-In-These, the "But I'm Six Feet Away", and the Candlestick.

During its investor day, Disney announced on Twitter 100 new upcoming shows and movies. This ranged from a Marvel TV series based on Thor's brother, Loki to an origin story about the first Buzz Lightyear. I caught up with Disney chairman Bob Iger after the event to learn about some of the projects that just missed the cut.

• Zach Woods stars as "Lighty" in The First Saber. This live-action, documentary-style series follows Lighty, a blue lightsaber, as he connects with his Jedi counterpart played by Steve Buscemi.
• In partnership with The Science Channel, Disney+ presents a How It's Made spinoff. The first season includes episodes showcasing the design and construction of Captain America's shield, Woody's pull-string, and Baby Yoda's cradle.
• David Attenborough narrates Red Planet, a limited series highlighting the Jawa's annual migration across Tatooine.
• Disney+ is excited to announce the next Marvel blockbuster, Early Archer. This Hawkeye origin story takes place at a sleep-away summer camp in the Catskills and focuses on a frustrated counselor who can't seem to pry a young camper away from the archery range.
• Fans of classic Disney movies, get excited! We present Bed Pan, a movie in which Peter Pan and Wendy conceive a child in the real world. Wendy's water breaks, and Peter wants his baby to be born in Neverland. The couple heads to the second star to the right and straight on to the hospital. Unfortunately, because of the anti-aging effects of Neverland, Wendy is forced into a never-ending labor which becomes the focal point of the entire first season.

Last week, in an effort to promote religious tolerance and understanding, we took a deep dive into the history of Chanukah. This week, we'll focus on Christmas or, as it's known in America, "Jeff Bezos Gets Even Richer Day."

Back in the olden days, Pagans celebrated "Saturnalia" around the time of the Winter Solstice. Christians were none too happy about these Pagans and their "science-based" celebrations. Unfortunately, Christianity's biggest holiday, Easter, was months away! Luckily, Pope Julius I had a solution. He turned to his Cardinals and asked, "Hey y'all, does anyone know when Jesus was born?"



To which, one of the Cardinals was like, "Yeah I think it was around the year 0."



And Pope Julius said, "Oh, well that makes a ton of sense. But what month?" The rest of the Cardinals shrugged their shoulders, so the Pope said, "Probably at the Winter Solstice, right?", and they all nodded. So, like a jealous friend of a friend who wasn't invited to your party, the Pope established his new holiday at the same time as Saturnalia.



We remember those three wise men who must've been wearing parkas because they were traveling to a barn in the dead of winter. One of them brought frankincense, one brought myrrh, and the third claimed he didn't get the message about the $20 gift limit. 



Today, we celebrate what was once Saturnalia, a festival of agriculture, by chopping down trees and putting them indoors. Only 12 more days!

Answer below.

Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.



Broom Hilda by Russell Myers for December 08, 2020



This week's comic focuses on Hilda the Witch and her roommate, Gaylord.



In the first panel, Hilda and Gaylord are staring up at a security camera on their house. Hilda explains, "I installed a security camera, Gaylord!" to which Gaylord replies, "We don't have anything worth stealing."



The second panel is black with a white crescent moon in the top right, indicating that a night has gone by since the first panel. 



In the final panel, the two characters return to the same location. Now, there is just a holder on their house. Hilda exclaims, "Someone stole the security camera!" Oh man! I double checked on Wikipedia, and this situation definitely meets the definition of irony!

Where's Waldo Answer: He's at a Proud Boys rally!



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I'm Scott, and this is Scott's Edition. Have a great start to the week!