January 3, 2021

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January 3, 2021

Edition 19: Exiting 2020

Happy New Year! And good riddance to 2020. Now that the year has changed, everything is immediately different. COVID is gone, everyone can go out again, and the economy is booming! Huzzah!



My brother told me that Scott's Edition is too self-deprecating. I think he's right. If I was a better writer, I would've realized sooner. Well, in the spirit of New Year's resolutions, I resolve to be more confident in my writing! Like most resolutions, I'd bet it fails by mid-February.



Do you have a resolution that you want to maintain throughout the year? Great! Just add it here, and we'll send you a reminder of your resolution every quarter (shoutout to my rival, the Morning Brew, for this idea. Please don't sue me).

Days Until the New Year

363, ↑ 358 since last week.

Days Until We All Can't Wait for 2022 to be Over for Some Reason

43, give or take.

Days Until Trump is Out of Office

16

Richmond Men's Basketball Record

7-3

# of Days Left to Watch The Office on Netflix

0, but NBC gave us this gem to curb the pain.

This week, Richmond temperatures will hover in the 60 to 70 degree range. Richmond, TX that is. Here in Virginia, we'll suffer through a cloudy week in the 40s.

NBA Women: Becky Hammon became the first female NBA head coach after Gregg Popovich was ejected in Wednesday's game. When asked about the ejection, the head referee explained, "We didn't like the responses we were getting from Popovich, so we asked Momovich instead."

Defense Bill: Democratic and Republican Senators joined forces to override President Trump's veto of the annual military bill. In potentially unrelated news, Republican Leader McConnell's and Democratic Leader Pelosi's houses were both vandalized with graffiti and pig's blood. "The graffiti totally wasn't me. Look, I was also harassed," Trump explained as he held up a note drawn in crayon that said, "You suck! And this totally wasn't Trump that did this."

Argentina Abortion: This week, the South American country became the first predominantly Catholic nation to legalize abortion. It's great to see a progressive institution like the Catholic Church making strides politically.

Making a New Year's resolution is tough! Not to mention, we need to create a new one every year. Don't worry, because Scott's Resolution Generator is here to save the day!



Don't fret about creating a unique, worthwhile resolution when my generator can do it for you. Just follow this link to generate your resolution today! Make sure you stick to it.

On Thursday, Britain officially completed its separation from the European Union. Prime Minister Boris Johnson explained, "A lot of people were against Brexit and feared the potential consequences. Remember when everyone was really scared of what would happen? I realized that all I had to do was wait for an epic global pandemic to terrorize the entire world. Now, no one really cares that we're leaving the EU!"



Indeed, it seems that the island nation has taken the "quarantine" directive too literally. Instead of attending EU economic meetings, Britain will stay home, bake banana bread, and binge The Crown. Fortunately, Britain has continued to set up Zoom calls with Spain, France, Germany, and, when their parents ask them to, Greece.

Image courtesy of nbcnews.com

According to no one, 87% of New Year's resolutions involve a health-related promise such as exercising more. With the COVID pandemic still raging across the U.S. and temperatures dropping, finding a safe, comfortable workout space has never been harder. Luckily, Scott's Edition has access to the world's top health experts, and we've asked them to provide tips on how to get the most out of your workouts.

1. Incorporate Heat Lamps: Continue exercising outside, but consider investing in a heat lamp. Use the heat lamp as a barbell so you stay warm and get swole at the same time.
2. Location, Location, Location: Change it up. "Outside" doesn't necessarily mean "cold." Consider working out in a steam tunnel or next to your car exhaust pipe. Make sure your car is turned on, of course!
3. Inside, But Safe: If the cold is truly unbearable, try safely attending a local gym. Protect yourself by covering your ears, nose, and mouth with a double layer of saran wrap.
4. When All Else Fails: Give up!

Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.



Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 28, 2020

In the first panel, we find one of our main characters, Pig, sitting at a desk with a cup of coffee beside him. He's intently scribbling on a sheet of paper, "Next year's goals for personal growth:"



Our other main character, Rat, joins us in Panel 2. Rat watches Pig continue his goals as he writes, "Get fatter."



In the final panel, Rat stares at Pig and states, "Not what that means."



Pig replies, "Growth is growth."



So funny! It's hilarious that the same word can have two different meanings! Isn't the English language comical?

Thanks for reading, and welcome to 2021!

Happy Birthday to my cousin, Ethan! 



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I'm Scott, and this is Scott's Edition. Have a great start to the week!