January 10, 2021

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January 10, 2021

Edition 20: Slow News Week

2020, you're muted! But 2021 is yelling, has an echo, and has a dog barking in the background. Have no fear, because Scott's Edition is here to walk you through everything that occurred in the past 168 hours.



*Have you added your New Year's resolution yet? Add it here and we'll send you a reminder each quarter to keep you on track!

Number of Arrests from the Capitol Insurrection

57 and rising

Days Until We All Can't Wait for 2021 to be Over

-4... I said 43 last week, grossly overestimating it.

Days Until Trump is Out of Office

9

Richmond Men's Basketball Record

9-3

The Age of Crush from Finding Nemo

168, ↑ 18 from the film's release in 2003... and still young, dude!

Richmond temperatures will turn 50 this week, meaning their kids are off to college and they can finally walk around their house naked.

Labels: We learned a bit about labels this week. For example, someone from Iowa is an "Iowan," while someone from Michigan is a "Michigander." A group of Muslims attacking a federal building are "terrorists," while a group of white people doing the same thing are "protesters." And finally, an actor in a Marvel movie is an "Avenger," while an actor in a D.C. movie is "in a bad movie."

Tweet No More: President Trump was permanently banned from Twitter on Friday sparking outrage from his supporters who claim that this censorship violates the freedom of speech guaranteed by our First Amendment. Trump is expected to address these concerns in the White House Press Briefing Room, home to the most listened to microphone in the world.

Trash: After the insurrection, New Jersey Congressman Andy Kim grabbed a trash bag and started picking up garbage left by the rioters inside the Capitol. When asked about his motivation, Congressman Kim explained, "How many chances do we get to create a trash-based news story that is positive for New Jersey?"

How often are you left wanting as you shop for new fur outerwear? Whether you're preparing for a Game of Thrones cosplay conference, a Buffalo Bills football game, or an armed U.S. Capitol coup attempt, the available quality isn't what it once was. 



Enter Fred's Furs, the one stop shop for all your patriotic needs. We sell ear muffs made from beavers, hats made from bison horns, and more! And, our customer service is top notch! We don't allow any of those "riff raff minorities," ensuring you and all your white friends can look good while fighting for the unalienable right of being treated better than anyone else.



That's not all! We also offer professional body art services, because what screams, "I'm a patriot" more than visiting the face painting station at your six year old cousin's birthday party?



Come on in today to find your furs!



*No masks allowed in store.

Often, we hear five second news clips or see an attention-grabbing headline and think we understand the full story. However, in this age of disinformation, there's normally a bigger picture.



For example, in the image below, President Trump addresses the nation, stating for the first time that he will work with the incoming Biden administration to create a smooth transition of power. It seems as though he's making this speech by choice.

But, if you zoom out a little bit...

Next, we see Richard Barnett, the man who broke into Nancy Pelosi's office during the riots.

At first glance, he seems like a pretty cool guy as he sits back and kicks his feet up on Pelosi's desk. But once again, if we pan out, we see what he's checking out on the computer monitor.

And finally, in the attention-grabbing image below we see cool guy Joe Biden and now-Senator Raphael Warnock.

But once we zoom out we see President-Elect Biden's social media manager giving him some sage advice.

We hope you've been paying attention to the news! Here's our new weekly quiz:



1. To whom did President Trump say, "I love you, you're very special"?

A. His son, Eric, after he drew a picture of a unicorn with no horn and called it a "magic horse."

B. His wife, whose name he "couldn't quite remember at the moment."

C. A group of white supremacists seeking to overturn American democratic choices as they terrorized the Legislative branch of government.



2. Both Democrats running in the Georgia Senate runoff election...

A. Won by collecting more votes than their opponents.

B. Cheated by not suppressing Black voters, a Georgia tradition.

C. Tampered with the Dominion voting machines by bribing them.



3. Scott's Edition is...

A. Overly liberal.

B. The highlight of my Sunday.

C. Getting old.



Answers below

Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.



Strange Brew by John Deering for January 10, 2021

In this single panel cartoon, we're introduced to a snowy suburban backyard that includes two snowmen. The one on the left has a red scarf, while the one on the right has a green hat.



Red scarf snowman's hand is covering the middle of his face, while he looks at green hat snowman. Green hat snowman is frowning because in addition to his own carrot nose, it seems that red scarf snowman's carrot nose is also lodged in his head.

Green hat snowman brings this wholesome comic strip full circle as he exclaims, "Gesundheit."

Man, how do these comics come up with this stuff?! A snowman sneezing? Ridiculous!!!

Weekly Quiz Answers:

1) All of the above
2) A
3) A and C

Thanks for reading!


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I'm Scott, and this is Scott's Edition. Have a great start to the week!