February 7, 2021

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The Name Behind the News

February 21, 2021

Edition 25: Power Outage

Happy King Harald V's Day! I know that's normally only celebrated in Norway, but I'm sure someone reading this is in the holiday spirit. Rather than continuing to discuss a holiday celebrating a guy who clearly hated posing for pictures, instead let's dive into this week's news!

Weekly Stats

# of vaccine doses administered in the U.S.

61.29 million, ↑ 8.41 million since last week

# of Texas homes still without power

32,861

# of cornrows on Senator Cruz's head

9, but his daughters totally made him get them

Most common lucky number

7

Favorite dinner of the most common lucky number

9

Richmond is in for some warmer weather this week with highs in the 60s. Sounds like perfect conditions to continue staying home and seeing no one.

Week in Review

News News: News Corp has reached an agreement to allow Google to distribute its publications in Australia. The deal includes news sources like the Wall Street Journal, MarketWatch, and the New York Post. Google and Scott's Edition are still negotiating.

Ted not Tom: After Ted Cruz fled Texas in the middle of the worst winter storm in decades, his approval rating plummeted. At 37% approval, he is officially leading in the 2024 Republican primary polls.

Private Prisons: In January, President Biden signed an Executive Order banning private prisons. Biden has clarified that Trump will be allowed to use Mar-a-Lago as a personal, private prison "so long as Rudy Giuliani lives in the guest bedroom."

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Texas Power Outage Writers' Roundtable

As everyone knows, our life choices are predetermined by a group of immortal angels. Like most of the writers in Hollywood, these angels are clearly millennials. Scott's Edition sat in on their February brainstorming session. Let's check it out.

Beanie-Wearing Angel: January was even better than expected. Everyone give yourself a pat on the wings. Unfortunately, we couldn't work things out with our main antagonist's agent, so he won't be returning for another season. That leaves a big void to fill. Let's spit ball some ideas.

Still-Lives-With-His-Parents Angel: What if we make people care about Britney Spears again? She was so hot in that music video where she dressed like a school girl.

Beanie: Dude, she was 16 in that video. That's not okay.

Lives-With-Parents: *Sweating* Uh, no I meant, like, her singing was really hot.

Beanie: Sure you do. Okay, other ideas? What about you two?

David Benioff: Let's make Ted Cruz the new antagonist!

D.B. Weiss: Yeah! Let's make Texas lose power and have Ted Cruz abandon them!

Benioff: We could hit them with a winter storm!

Weiss: And blame it on renewable energy!

Beanie: Okay, okay just stop it. A winter storm in Texas? That doesn't make any sense. And why would people blame renewables if they lose power? Wouldn't they blame fossil fuel companies? And why on Earth would Ted Cruz just abandon Texas in the middle of a disaster? This is absurd!

Benioff: To be honest, we were just hired to write the rest of China's 2021 script and are kind of checked out.

Beanie: *sighs* Okay... well, does anyone have anything better?

Entire Room: *blank stares*

Beanie: Fine. But we don't have the budget for a dragon to burn down Austin.

One Real Thing - Ginny & Georgia

Every now and then I'll talk about something that isn't a complete joke. This week, it's a new Netflix show called Ginny & Georgia. "But Scott," you ask in a confused voice while talking to your computer screen, "Why are you discussing a show that doesn't air until Wednesday?" It's because my friend Jordan Dumbroff was the script coordinator for the show, and he's a pretty funny dude.

The show is a Gilmore Girls-like tale about a young mother and her teen daughter and their move to a new home in Maine. Is teenage Ginny going through all of the trials and tribulations that accompany a new school? You betcha. Does mom Georgia have a complicated past that she's hidden from Ginny? Seems like it based on the trailer. Is Scott Porter, the guy who played Jason Street in Friday Night Lights, a cast member in this show? Indeed he is. 

So, get some rest on Tuesday night because you're going to want to binge watch every episode on the 24th. If every Scott's Edition subscriber watches the entire season, then we'll just need a ton of other people to watch it too so that it makes the Top 10. If you do watch, please let me know what you think of it so I can pass along the good word to Jordan. Also, hi Wendy (that's Jordan's mom).

Comics Described

Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.

Thanks for reading! For those who haven't watched Game of Thrones, I apologize for all the references in today's Edition.

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I'm Scott, and this is Scott's Edition. Have a great start to the week!