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| The Name Behind the News |
February 7, 2021 Edition XXIV: Super Bowl Sunday |
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| It's Super Bowl Sunday! We finally get to see two great American cities compete in a battle for the ages. Frazier vs. Ali, Lakers vs. Celtics, Arnold Palmer vs. Snapple, and now Tampa Bay vs. Kansas City. I don't think it gets more exciting than this. Without further ado, let's dive into this week's news!
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| | | 39.04 million, ↑ 9.44 million since last week
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| Years until Tom Bardy is eligible for Social Security |
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| | | Chiefs -3 (For all you non-bettors, if you bet on the Chiefs and subtract three from their final score and that still results in more points than Tampa Bay, then you'd win!)
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| | | 63.77, ↓ 261.23 (80.38%) since last week
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| Like vaccine administration in the U.S., Richmond's weather should be in the mid-40s this week. Unlike vaccine administration, Richmond's weather is a phenomenon derived from our planet's rotation, proximity to the Sun, and global winds. So yeah, the metaphor doesn't really work I guess. |
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| Engaged: Christopher "Call Me Topher Not Chris" Price and Elizabeth "Doesn't Have a Clever Nickname" Duffield are finally engaged after six years of dating. They're my friends from college, but they have the most romantic engagement story I've ever made up. Yesterday, Topher dressed up like Willy Wonka, did a somersault over to Elizabeth, and asked, "Willy you marry me?" As sweet as chocolate. Congrats, friends!
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| | | Bezos Bomb: This week, Jeff Bezos announced he is stepping down as Amazon's CEO. In his final act as CEO, Bezos has directed his staff to build hotels on both Boardwalk and Park Place. |
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| It's Not Easy Being Greene: Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene was found passed out in the middle of the Congressional Chamber this morning clutching a half-empty bottle of tequila. She had soiled her pants and was wearing an, "I love Putin" pin. None of this is true, of course, but if she can make up anything she wants then so can I, right? |
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| Look, it's Tom Brady in a Cialis ad! If that doesn't sell you on Cialis, I don't think anything will. Check with your doctor before using! |
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| This week, the world's most famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, portended six more weeks of winter after seeing his shadow and crawling back into his hole. A lesser known groundhog called Staten Island Chuck disagreed with Phil by predicting an early spring. But, that's not all he predicted. These groundhogs act as representatives of their districts. Punxsutawney, a city in Jefferson County, PA voted for Biden in the 2020 election, while Staten Island voted overwhelmingly for Trump.
Although we all want winter to end, we must carefully dissect Chuck's recent Tweets to see if we can trust his opinion on anything, let alone the weather. Let's take a look.
November 4, 2020: "Why is Dominion ground-hogging all the votes? Stop the count!"
Definitely not starting off super well for Chuck, but maybe he was just misinformed.
January 6, 2021: "Protect our democracy! Burrow into the Capitol to make sure Pence does the right thing!"
Okay, well I guess we shouldn't have given him the benefit of the doubt.
February 7, 2021: "Let's go Tampa Bay Bucs!"
Yeesh, full blown crazy. And he's starting to sound like his cousin, Jacksonville Jerry, a groundhog who was "too high on bath salts" to make an accurate prediction this week.
The moral of the story here is that we should trust Punxsutawney Phil's prediction and bundle up for another few weeks of winter. Happy Groundhog's Day!
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| There are 8 differences in the two images below. Can you spot them all? |
Hint: Isn't it called something else in Europe? |
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| Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader. Wizard of Id Classics by Parker and Hart for February 06, 2021
In the first panel, we find ourselves in The Wizard's dungeon where he is performing a magic trick for a friend. As he makes a bird appear from under a handkerchief, the friend states, "I'll bet you know a lot of cute tricks."
The second panel gives us a close-up of The Wizard who confidently replies, "I know all of them." In panel three, the friend asks, "What's your favorite one?" The final panel delivers the punchline we've been waiting for as The Wizard cleverly answers, "A little belly dancer from Burbank." Get it?!? "Trick" as in magic tricks but also "trick" as in sex workers! That must be why they're called comic "strips"! |
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| Thanks for reading! I'm taking next week off because it's Valentine's Day and I'd like to spend the day focused on my true love, re-watching Schitt's Creek. See you on the 21st!
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