Social Cues... a Reminder

As vaccinations increase and the world returns to normal, you may find yourself forgetting how to act correctly in public situations. Don't worry, the guy who spends several hours creating a meaningless comedy newsletter every week is here to remind you. 

Restaurant Etiquette

Remember to wait until everyone is served before starting to eat. However, there are a few exceptions to this rule that allow you to start eating immediately:

1. You've ordered hot food.
   
2. Two other people have already been served.
3. Other people say, "Please go ahead and start eating." You must then politely refuse. If they insist, you can eat.
4. You're, like, really, really hungry.
5. You order soup and the waiter offers to spoon feed you.

Hitting the Gym

In a post-pandemic world, the gym can be frightening. Follow these tips to make it a safe place for all:

1. Wipe down your machine after each use.
   
2. Give other gym members fitness tips whenever possible. Everyone loves unsolicited advice.
3. Before a heavy lift, ask someone to spot you. Give them a light kiss on the cheek as a thank you.
4. In the locker room, invite others to shower with you to conserve water. 

Bar Rules

Bar rules are notoriously confusing. Make sure to do the following:

1. Say, "Beer before liquor you've never been sicker."
2. Ignore rule one if someone offers you a free drink.
3. Strike up a conversation with the bartender; if you make them laugh, you don't have to tip.
   
4. Don't buy drinks for others. If you do, you become legally responsible for their behavior on the dance floor.
5. Sir, you're too drunk. Please leave. It's 3pm on a Wednesday and you're making the other Arby's customers very uncomfortable.